February 18, 2015: Today we made the decision to follow Bill’s central calling to spiritual formation ministry and move back to the US, for him to step into the team leadership of Imago Christi sometime in 2016.
We realized that we had to make a decision before I left for the US on 2/26, and that we had heard enough, and were of one heart and mind, and ready to make the decision. We also realized that we could not wait till the long weekend coming up, so we also decided to tell Liam and Olivia today after school.
Back on Friday (2/6) we had a Day of Prayer & Fasting, to consider a new question (not just: Should we go to the US this summer? But): Are we released from ministry in Russia? Mom heard God say that He has our kids; she was willing to let go of the adventure of missionary/expat life, and she reaffirmed her willingness to follow wherever the Lord calls us. For me, the Lord very specifically released me from ministry in Russia. I was very sick that day, and had even forgotten the new question, but the Lord spoke clearly, saying, “You once dedicated yourself to me by going to minister in Russia, now you are free to pursue the next step in your dedication of your life to me.” This was freeing, but not exactly a “charge” to go now, either.
We also had a sense that we needed to listen to some of the people around us on this. The next Friday 2/13 we went out with our CRM teammates, and they asked good questions about the timing needed for our process of goodbyes, and about what we believe our present growth edges are. For me my growth edge was clearly to step into the courage needed to lead my family into a hard decision, where they would not otherwise choose to go, even if I wouldn’t know for sure that the Lord was telling us specifically to go now. Another meeting with a high school teacher that has known us for a long time confirmed that “we are too old (in the Lord)” for Him to “tell us what to do and when,” for He wants us to make a decision solely to please Him! Other insights about the significance of this transition for Liam were helpful and confirming as well.
The Turning Point:
Yesterday, I considered what it would really be like to stay in Russia two more years, and my heart sank, not in desolation, but a lack of peace and confidence surrounded that path. I realized that I would not be following my central calling, but a step backwards, and letting my cowardice or uncertainty stop me from taking the difficult “leap of faith into the dark” that the Lord has before me. I also remembered the words of Tom Ashbrook (the teamleader of Imago Christi) that “God does not put us in situations that pit ministry and the best for our family,” but us posing this question about timing did that. So that was our problem not God’s. When the question is simply focused on calling, the answer and direction is clear; it is time to go.
Sharing that today with Priscilla, I said I am ready for us to make that decision and tell the kids. She was with me. She cried; but we quickly jumped into talking of key planning points for the next four months, especially planning our goodbyes. A peace descended on me, on the two of us, even though this will not be easy. Then we prayed and cried together. We decided to go out for lunch and had a great time, talking both about the hardships and the excitement of this next step.
Then Liam and Olivia came home from school and during their snack, I told them I had something to tell them. “We have come to the decision today, that we will be moving to America in June.” At first Olivia smiled excitedly, then as she saw her Mom’s and Liam’s tears, Olivia said she didn’t want to go. Liam said nothing for the longest time. There were tears and disbelief. We talked about how hard this would be, but that this is right and it is time for us to take this step with Dad into the next phase of his calling.
The Kids' Responses:
Finally Liam said, “Thanks for making the decision and not considering your family first.” We weren’t sure how to take that, those are words of wounding that anyone in ministry dreads to hear! Was he devastated and being sarcastic? When we simply asked what he meant, he said, “I am thanking you for making a decision that puts God first.” Then after a while he said that this was his last “normal” day in Russia. That he won’t really believe it until he gets on the plane. We reminded him of the need for building our RAFTS (which stands for the principles for “leaving well”) and that that will help us “believe it” and will help us best deal with the chaos of the transition into the US. He also asked if we had known about this as a final decision before this past weekend when he was at a basketball tournament in Budapest. No, and when asked, he said that he would not have wanted to know and to have been thinking about it the whole time and spoiling the experience.
Livy needed some time to cry alone on her bed and after a while Priscilla went to her. Liam and I talked about how in time he will need to embrace the faith adventure before us, and that I am here to walk and coach him through this through sadness, anger and new challenges. But I told him how confident I am that the Lord will use this hard transition, its lessons and the experience of God’s provision and love for the best in Liam’s life and the strengthening of his faith. Then we prayed. He said, “Lord thanks for a Dad who shows me what it means to follow you, help me be like him.” After our prayers, we embraced for a long time, and I told him that that was the coolest prayer a Dad could ever hear!
The kids were stunned for a few hours, but then the realities of homework and normal life set back in. We have warned the kids’ teachers and administration at IA via email. This evening I had a call scheduled with Tom Ashbrook, who was delighted and supportive of all the hardships of this transition. Then have to inform our college girls, the rest of our family in the US, CRM-ers, the Imago Christi Community and our supporters. Then we will have to break the news to SPCU and Russian church friends.
Confirmations:
The day of the decision (Wed. 2/18), "out of the blue" a supporting church asked for an update on our Transition Discernment for their Missions Committee meeting.
After we told the kids, Olivia went off to cry and read her Childrens’ Bible, one special page of which suggested Joshua 1:9 for “feeling scared.” She shared that with Mom and it was her verse for Liam when we lived in NY. It was also the first sermon during our extended visa stay last fall in PA, when the Lord started talking to me about making the hard decision in faith. And pointing out how God used Olivia finding that verse was a huge encouragement to her, just the concrete example she needed of how God speaks to us and uses us (a constant question of hers).
Similarly the discussion in Bible class for Liam the next day was on the exile and God’s purposes in it, and that God is sending them, and for them to make their homes in Babylon (Jer 29:4-5).
We just told Gillian today, who was expecting this, and just found out that her internship won’t start until June 15th, so she (and Karina) can come to help us and go through the final goodbye to Russia as our home together, which was one of the things Liam asked for back in October!
I mentioned the Thomases (our teammates here) in the letter, and we got together with them again Thursday night, and they were so encouraging, and noticed that everything seemed different, that the tension was gone, replaced by confidence and peace.
